Gt back almost all of my exam papers . Hw did I do ? ahaha...dont ask . But I'll still tell . I did terribly . I think...I only think lar...that I failed 1 subject . Sociology ! Have u ever heard of a sociologist called Olivia Kung Siew Pyng ? Cz i wrote her theories and her judgements . Ahahaha...Like for real . I cannot remember all these sociologist's theories . Tooooooooo many I tell u . Heaps and heaps and HEAPSSSS to remember . My membrane cells were actually eating up my brain slowly and it somehw nearly exploded . Well , my lecturer actually asked us to guess of a scale from 1 to 10 , hw good did we do ? We guessed 8 . He told us we guessed correctly except that was hw bad we did . Man ! Does he have to like scare the crap outa us . Actually , I pretty much expected it cz I wrote whatever that ran through my head which was definately my own theories . Hmm...the highest so far...an A- . The rest...B's and C's . Hmmm...it's difficult actually , but will try better for my finals .



Hmmmm...sigh ! Depression is somehw eating me the way a fat man eats his burger .









I love this song by Joy Enriquez . Try reading the lyrics . Very meaningful !!




Cannot touch , cannot hold , cannot be together
Cannot love , cannot kiss , cannot love each other
Must be strong , and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know


How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want u here in my arms ?
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone


Cannot dream , cannot share
Sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel
Must pretend it's over
Must be brave and we must go on
Must not say what we no longer long


Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we no longer long



A song that inscribes how I'm feeling . Sigh !



Have you ever wondered what izit like to love someone so much and that they are nt here ?
And all you ever wanted them to know is that you are thinking of them and that u miss them ?




Being in this love situation is like facing one of the most difficult challenges in life .
Love hurts....I mean seriously . If love is a very easy standard to pass....like that the world would be meaningless and everyone would not have to face difficulty in loving anybody .




Sometimes having almost everything in life yet nt having the one most important thing that can gv you happiness feels like having nth at all .

I knew that the minute He left , I would be very down and sad . At the same time I thought to myself , "hey , this would be good in a way cz forgetting him would be easier" .
I tried numbing myself for a couple of weeks after He left . I realised that I do missed him less , thought about him less but I didnt and couldnt stop loving Him . It isnt easy to love someone the way you love them and then later try to pass in on to someone else in order to forget and to move on . By numbing ? It works somehw..kinda.....well , nt really . You are able to nt think of them so much but you definately cant stop loving them .




I tried telling myself , I dont love Him , I dont miss Him , I dont think of Him neither do I want too . In short , telling myself things which are nt true at all .
But yeah , like in the song lyrics . I'll be lying to myself if i keep telling myself all this and it would for sure drive me nuts . At the same time telling myself to always be brave and strong . It's actually very and I mean VERY tough loving someone who is soooooo far away from you . Nt knowing their condition over the other side of the world . Hw are you able to cope with that ? To my suprise , I pretty much am trying my very best and I still am . I'm nt really there yet but I'm definately reaching . Okay ! Cut the act . Nt really...but I'm seriously trying with everything I've gt and of cz , friends to help boost me up .

I'm trying to think of all the negativities abt loving Him and all the bad things He used to do . Then again...hw ? Hw to stop ? Hw to nt think of Him ? Hw to nt miss Him from time to time ? It's impossible for me to look at someone else the way I look at Him. And it's definately impossible to feel the way I feel for Him with someone else . It's for sure nt the rite time for me to be attached with anyone at the moment at the same time , I dont think I'm able to yet . This whole thing needs some time to cool down . But hw long ? Honestly , I tried a million gazillion time to drop this whole thing . I tried doing it a lot of times . But it never really could work cz it'll be eating me up on the inside real bad as it is already . Thn I thought , wat the heck...I'll just let it be and let time do the rest for me .




"How does one walks away , from all of the memories ?"

Memories are to be kept and nt to be thrown . Every minute spent with Him I shall keep and somehw think of it as a happy moment . Bad or good , sad or happy...I'll just keep it ! =)




I went through a hell load of pain loving Him . But never did I complain . Well , it killed me a lot but never once did I thought it was nt worth it . Seriously ! I cried buckets of tears for Him . And y ? Only and only becz I love Him . What did it feel like back then ? It felt like a knife stabbing me in the heart when we were nt talking at all . Hw izit nt painful to love someone and yet nt be able to talk to them ? He sorta shut me outa his life ever since we left each other and went our own ways . I tried telling Him I still loved Him but He completely shut me out . But from everything I went through with Him , I've learned a lot . To open up that square head of mine and look out into the world and see what life has to offer . I'm still that same girl . But I've opened up by thinking a lot more mature nw . See things in different angles . What's rite and what's wrong . But I've owez known that just that He thought me a lil more . I've never loved anyone the way I loved Him and that I wished He knew .




Then here we are , a year and a half later...Abt that actually . Him coming back into my life felt like one of the greatest thing ever . Never saw anyone after Him . Never actually really could . Well , as nt so weird as it sounds actually , trying out with someone else after Him wouldnt work..Oh WAIT ! It's nt weird at all actually..Hahaha . But no one can compare to Him at this point . I see smth in Him that somehw nt a lot of ppl do . I see the good outa the bad in Him as well , and that nobody really sees it . Nobody really understands y am I soooo into Him still ? He's special and like what Jill says , He will always be a part of me no matter what...nt phsically but emotionally . Friends after friends telling me in a way that I should just let go of everything . Telling me I wasnt really appreciated and that I deserved better . Thn again , they tell me that this is somehw one of the saddest love "scenes" ever and that I'm in it . It suddenly reminded me of a more modern Shakespere story...ahaha..Come to think abt it , that's sad ! Well , no matter what...I'm always grateful for all their supports cz never did anyone tell me I should stop becz I have too . But they did tell me I should becz I'm hurting . But could that work also ? I dont think sooooo....sighsss !!




I just know whatever that had happened...HAPPENED ! And that we cannot change or turn back time . I never regreted telling Him that I still love Him . Becz I wanted Him to know that I havent really moved on and that I see Him the way no one sees Him . Ppl do tell me I'm stupid . Trust me ! But y ? Does loving someone makes you feel stupid ? Embarrassed ? In that case dont fall in love lar...ahaha...




He somehw means a lot to me . In a way , half of my heart feels like it's nt here with me and that it's over there with Him becz that's what I gave . Nt that He brought it but it felt like it went with Him...ahaha...weird rite ? But it's true . Nt that I'm nt able to live...my meaning is nt able to love someone yet becz it's still with Him . And that I've somehw lost a part of me when He left .




Ppl do make sacrifices and He'd prolly did the same thing .




I just want Him to know that I still am missing Him back here and that I really wished He would come back home soon enough .

"Remembering yesterday, loving you 'til today"

-Ollie-

talk the talk :D